Is it God talking to you or is it your insecurities

For years, I wrestled with the idea of returning to school. I had this deep feeling that it wasn't where God was leading me. As a new mom, my trust in leaving my child with others was hindered by my own past traumas. I felt the need to be there for my baby and have him raised exclusively by our immediate family ONLY. So, I made the decision to attend beauty school while raising my child. And I did it!

However, over time, I realized that my passion for hairstyling was taking a toll on me. I had set a personal goal to retire by the age of 40, but then what? I found myself in a constant internal battle about going back to school because I was convinced that God had a different plan for me.

This struggle wasn't just between me and God; it was a battle with my own self-esteem, which was feeding into my negative thoughts about my intelligence. I didn't believe I was smart enough for higher education, even though I knew I had talent. It took years of unlearning my own self-doubt and relearning how to listen to myself, which went against my usual patterns.

I genuinely believed that God was exempting me from college because it wasn't my path. I didn't realize that this belief contradicted God's word, which encourage us to edify ourselves (1 Corinthians 14:3) – to instruct, improve, uplift, enlighten, inform, especially in moral and religious knowledge.

So, I prayed to God, "Help me see the familiar as strange." I remember a dream where God told me, "Every time you tell yourself 'no,' tell yourself 'yes'!" It was a revelation. I had to transform every negative thought into a positive one because my self-talk was undermining my potential, and I believed it was God's will. The negativity fueled my insecurities, and I misinterpreted discouragement as encouragement to remain stagnant.

Recently, my sister Shanta shared wisdom with me. She said, "You have to understand the three voices: the enemy's voice, your voice, and God's voice. Sometimes, your voice and God's voice can sound the same, but you must know that God's voice is His word." That was a game-changer for me.

To discover the good within myself, I needed to understand the goodness in God's word and what it says about me. Long story short, I'll be graduating in May 2024 from the University of Missouri St. Louis. I followed God's call to prosper, and it led me to this incredible journey.